Ginger, with love.

Today is the first day I feel human. I’ve done a lot to ruin everything. But today I feel more undeserving than ever. Today I’m human and loved. And its so incredible.

It was dark and the only light I see is the couch glowing from the tv. Your arms were wrapped tight around me and I was too busy burying my head in your chest, trying to memorize your smell, to busy to notice you looking at me sadly. I wanted to tell you I was going to miss you immensely, that I didn’t want you to go a thousand miles and lay your life down for your country, but at at the sane time I was so proud of what a man you’d become. I wanted to tell you how proud I was, that I loved you. I wanted to beg you to marry me before you left. But I didn’t. I knew that was the last thing you needed to hear. I sat still and memorized every detail. Every contour, every muscle holding me close, every vein. The way your skin looked in the tv glow, the way you smelled like sunscreen and cinnamon, the way your chest felt against my head. I wanted to keep you there with me for eternity, with both of us safe. But the days were numbered from the start. You didn’t kiss me and I didn’t understand why. I know now. I know its ‘cause you felt bad about hurting me any more. I know its ‘cause you knew our time was coming to an end. I wish hadn’t been so sad, so selfish. I wish I had asked you how you felt. If you were scared, too. You looked at me sadly and I never asked why. I should have asked. Were you scared to go? Sad to leave? Did you know Death would be knocking on your door? Would you miss me? Were you okay? Were you excited? Nervous? Anything? Now I want to know, and its too late. I’ll never know why you looked at me that way. I’ll never know again.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

       I wondered long and hard why I took the road I chose and I wondered longer and harder if I would falter from it. And then it hit me. I hold no doubt that these other men really love me. They see that I have a good relationship and care too much about me to risk ruining it. They think they’ll mess my life up if they were to step in. But Jason saw me with a man I thought was ‘The One’ and said I want a chance to show her what this should be like. He stepped in and asked for a chance, and I, thinking nothing would come of it, agreed. He did show me, though. He showed me every second that I could love him. He took a chance, he stepped out, and he wasn’t scared he’d ruin anything because he knew he loved me. He had two options; to let me be happy because he loved me, or to chase after what he wanted and loved and make us both happy. He took the option no one else did, the path everyone else is scared to because they doubt themselves, he in all his imperfection took a leap of faith for what he loved, and that has made all the difference.

He’s so vulnerable when he’s lying there, asleep. The rest of the world sees him as a hero, a future Navy SEAL and the captain of the lacrosse team; strong, proud, and superhuman. Yet he bares himself to me and I see him at his lowest and I’m reminded of just how little he is when he’s sleeping. He’s still big, buff, and brawny, but he’s also so… Bare. It’s as if all his titles are stripped away and he’s just a boy, sleeping. His body’s relaxed and the gentle breaths and soft snores make me want to hold him forever, keep him safe while he sleeps because this gentle body can’t do much now. He’s so handsome, but in a helpless way. The same muscles and defined features are there but now he’s a soft romantic in my arms and I’m so lucky. I’m the only one to know him this way, and it makes me smile before I lay ny head back on his chest to join him in innocent, precious sleep.

hermionejg:

lupe. fucking. fiasco.

wow.

Nerdfighteria

(via effyeahnerdfighters)

Source: hermionejg